Announcement

I want to get in with this big announcement before the rumour mills start. So, I have recently resigned as editor of Bead and Jewellery Magazine.

Whilst there are a few things that have factored into my decision, the main reason is my health. You all know that I’ve been struggling with the ME for a year now. Well, it’s time for me to step back and focus more on me.

Editing the magazine has been putting unsustainable pressure on me. This is in spite of all the support that my colleagues have offered. Not to mention the kindness and understanding of the designers who contribute to each issue. So, this hasn’t been an easy decision. But it is the right decision for me. So, that’s all I want to say for the moment.

Health Announcement

I haven’t given you a health update for a while. So, I may as well turn one announcement into two!

I want to start by saying thank you to the people who have privately been messaging me to send me good wishes.

However, I am also aware that a lot of you are assuming that I’m ‘better’. I wish that were the case. And I can see how it looks since I’ve been managing to get a lot of stuff done on this website.

All I can say in answer to that is, technology is wonderful for creating ‘smoking mirrors’. If you know your way around (and I’m getting to), you can automate a lot of stuff. So it gives the impression that you are busy working when in fact you might be swanning to foreign lands or suffering in bed. (It’s the latter for me, in case you were wondering. I’m still mostly housebound, so travel is a dream right now!)

Prognosis

So, I am improving, but very slowly. I am now working with a new clinic and still undergoing a barrage of tests. At the moment, it seems like every test reveals something that isn’t functioning properly. This may sound like a disaster, but from my point of view, it’s not.

In fact, all these tests are just confirming what I already know. My body is very sick and it has been battling for 15 years without help or treatment. As you can imagine, this is bringing up mixed emotions.

I feel a certain (large) amount of anger that I’ve been dismissed and had to travel this road alone. I have found lovely individuals to help and support me along the way. But there are days when the kindness of these people feels outweighed by the ignorance that leads the majority to assume I’m making this up. Or making a fuss. Or attention seeking. And as a result, I find myself pushed to do things that are actually making me more ill.

So, part of me wants to write a long blog all about what this illness really is. Part of me feels that is a complete waste of time because nobody wants to listen. Other than those who are already suffering and they probably already know what I want to say.

Next Steps

So, the next few months are going to be a time of introspection and change for me.

I still have more tests to undergo and that will determine the course of my treatment. There is no guarantee that it will get me back to ‘normality’ (I can’t even remember what that is now). However, I am cautiously optimistic. At the very least, I will improve.

I don’t know where that improvement will take me. So, I’ll be taking more tough decisions about what I do with my life.

That could even mean leaving the beading behind me. Much as I try and put a positive spin on it, the beading industry is feeling like a pretty depressing place to be right now. I’ll say here and now that, five years after setting up this website, it’s not even close to earning me enough money to pay basic bills. So, it seems like madness to continue with it.

However, I am not shutting it down just yet. I need some sort of income, even if it’s not enough. So, given my health, this is the best option for the time being. Once I’m feeling healthier, I will be taking stock and seeing where I go.

So, I may well be making another announcement or two in the future…stay tuned!

But I don’t want to leave on a bad note. I want to acknowledge and thank the many people who have supported me. You are the ones that are keeping this website open and keeping me in the beading right now. So, thank you!